Playing Games With Abuse

All day anymore I hear about bad behavior by NFL athletes.  It is becoming over the top anymore.  Do football players just play football anymore or are they too busy beating their wives or children, getting busted for drugs and guns, DUIs, possible sexual assault, and who knows what else?

I guess they have finally pushed me to the edge with the Adrian Peterson ongoing stories of child abuse.  Below is my opinion piece for the Dallas Morning News which makes my points.  It is getting ridiculous anymore and I am shocked and dismayed by the league's impotence on these issues.

Four children will die. They will die today, like they did yesterday and like they will tomorrow.

The children are not dying of cancer or heart disease; they are dying at the hands of loved ones who are abusing them. You guessed it. I am talking about the Adrian Peterson abuse situation.

Adrian Peterson tells us he is just raising his children like his parents raised him. Wrong. He isn’t raising children at all. He tells us he is just disciplining his kids. He isn’t.

Study after study tells us he is slowing the cognitive development of his own children. That’s right. Peterson is increasing the likelihood of anxiety, depression and antisocial behavior. Another worrying statistic: Children who get “whooped” — Peterson’s description — are nine times more likely to become involved in criminal activity.

Adrian Peterson said he hit his child with a tree branch “10 to 15” times. However, he said, he doesn’t “ever count how many pops I give my kids.” Look at his son’s leg. It has at least that many marks where the switch caught his thigh. Use your senses and let’s consider this 4-year-old — a 4-year-old who was beaten by a man who is 6-foot-2 and 220 pounds.

The police report notes defensive wounds to the hands. I wonder how able this child was to defend himself against a guy who rushes through 300-pound giants.

I won’t attack the game, but we need to realize that if the players cannot control their impulses at home, they need to find a new line of work. I hate to interrupt this young man’s ability to carry a ball down the field just to save the life of his child, but let’s consider his child for a second.

Take a look at the pictures of his child. If you can stomach it, take a look. Take a second and let the images sink in. Now, what would you do if you sent your child to a friend’s house and he came back with those injuries? Would it be acceptable for your neighbor to “whoop” your child like that if he got out of line? Peterson did that to his own son.

Listen to his son. He didn’t want to talk to the police because he was “afraid of Daddy Peterson.” Forget the statistics for a moment about learning difficulties. Forget about long- term psychological issues. This child is afraid of his own father.

Yes, I am silly enough to think the National Football League should clean up its act. They should suspend Mr. Peterson for a year and make him complete a parenting program. Yes, I am silly enough to think that the NFL should keep this man from his profession.

Of course, for now, things appear headed in the opposite direction for Peterson. The Minnesota Vikings reinstated him on Monday, a day after they lost 30-7 to the New England Patriots without their star back.

“I understand that this is a very difficult thing to handle,” said Rick Spielman, the general manager. “Whether it’s an abusive situation or not, or whether he went too far disciplining, we feel very strongly that that is the court’s decision to make.”

Right now, the league is lost. It’s lost like a child afraid of his or her own parent, and that should scare every fan and every family.

Maybe we should stop playing games until we learn how to deal with abuse.

Four children will die today, just as four died yesterday. Let’s make it the last day.

As always, I look forward to thoughtful comments and I hope I am not offending.

Hot Situations

...as Ferguson, Missouri boiled over last week a common theme was the over reach by local police for their response after the shooting with military grade weapons and actions that violate civil rights.  Tampa, Florida seems to have the other problem though.

According to at least two media reports (local and Washington Post) a Tampa area mother watched as her child got "redder and redder" as he was locked in a vehicle that Tampa dispatchers would not respond to when she called 9-1-1.  It took an off duty police officer to come to her aid by calling a second dispatcher and sending resources her way.

Given the number of heat related deaths per year in the United States I am amazed by the callousness of the initial call taker who said that responders would likely just smash her windows.  That is true...they may.  We knuckle dragging fire types though may also find another way in, but either way, that is a decision for responders who should be on the road immediately rather than waiting for a AAA locksmith to show up.

For me, this ranks up there with the DC Fire EMS scandals of non-response except it may be worse in this regard.  All the call taker likely had to do was press a button and/or speak a few words.  How lazy can you get?  You aren't even doing the real work.

You just need to send people willing to handle the situation and perhaps try to help the mother find ways into the car in the meantime.  I know a number of dispatchers who like to wear their career on their sleeve and talk about "I tell YOU where to go."  Maybe so, but if you act like this call taker did, you deserve to go find a new career.

This is one public safety story that has me hot.

Safety

News reports this afternoon tell the tale of a firearms instructor being shot by a student today.  I have few words to say on this one as I am in shock.

In this case, the shooter was nine and she was operating an Uzi Submachine Gun.  I believe that the firearm has a cyclic rate of 1200 rounds per minute.  I am having trouble computing how long it would have taken to run through a 32 round magazine.

Reports indicate that the child was handling the weapon after her father and it apparently did not have its safety engaged.  For those that argue that their finger is their safety...clearly not in this case.

Obviously this is going to start lots of conversations about guns in our society.  I still remain fervently opposed to government regulation, but...in this case the question has to be asked...why would this instructor pass a gun to a child with the safety disengaged?  Why did the parents even have her out to shoot an Uzi?

No, I don't want the government regulating who can and can not purchase a firearm, but it seems to me when you are trying to educate children about firearms, you start small.  Say a single shot .22 or single barrel shotgun.  Maybe I am wrong, but the results of this were self evidently disastrous to two families.  It makes me wonder who was considering safety.

Daddy Deals

Hmmm..ready for a deal?

I am not much into haggling as a parent.  I recently realized that offering choices as to where we go to eat was a disaster as two of three children old enough to verbally communicate would always come up with four options or there would be a lobbying effort intense enough by my sons on the eldest daughter that K Street would be proud.  That has caused the decision to return to mom and dad while they can still choose their menu items.

However, I recently came across another blog post about limiting screen time.  Limiting screen time?  Do I have to do this?  My oldest gets his school work done without complaint and without reminder.  My wife and I don't even ask anymore because we normally get a look back like don't I always have my work done.

His school work is good, his grades are As, he participates in baseball, he raises money for ALS research, and he serves at church.  Kind of hard for me to give him a hard time.

Little brother gets good grades too though getting him to do work under his own initiative has been a little bit harder, but the calendar still says summer.  Why am I messing with them?

That being the case, the writer of the aformentioned blog has a great idea.  Don't limit screen time.  Her answer is you can have all you want once your other stuff is done.  Her list is her list and I don't know that it could all be mine, but I am interested in seeing where this exercise may go.

While I have not ever been a huge fan of having to have beds made, I have found that when their beds are at least made they also have a clean floor.  When the covers and sheets have been kicked off and cover the floor, they are covering land mines of Legos, baseball cleats or other game paraphernalia, and every item we need at the last minute such as library books to return.  That is a good item to have on a list.

As for required reading....eh.  Both my sons read well on their own and took on the Harry Potter series entirely too young so it is a little hard for me to require them to do something they already do, i.e. it isn't a chore and I don't want reading to be a chore.


Like required reading, I am also not sure about required creative time.  Can you force creative time?  Isn't that why Lennon and McCartney were writing lyrics on restaurant napkins because inspiration hit there and not when they were sitting in a room forcing...."creativity."

They also have found themselves in some magical military academy at some point this summer as the "Yes Sirs" and "No Sirs" seem to be flying without request of late.  Moreover they are extending these courtesies much more liberally of late than I had previously noted.  This has even spread to knocking out chores so it is hard to say do a chore when they are already getting most stuff done.  This being the case, do I need to add this to the list if it is already happening?

As we get to the school year I am not sure how to address some rules for screen time, but since they are knocking stuff out anyway, I am not sure if I am going to haggle or not.  Maybe Daddy doesn't have a deal.

Fifth Place Trophies

I guess I am bored this afternoon so let me alienate an entire generation of parents.  Who buys their kids a trophy when the team comes in fifth place?  Really?

We missed an end of season baseball party because our son was picked up by another team to play in the state tournament.  It was the wrong team, but he got to play a couple extra games and it is likely leading us to a decision I hate to make: select baseball.

I see way too many parents pay for their kids to be on a select baseball team because they want their kid to be "select."  What does that mean though?

Well, it means you are paying to play baseball which I find abhorrent to begin with.  I guess it is part of the process, but it feels like you are buying them a place in the line.

Another thing that I would consider a positive is it should mean you have the opportunity to not put up with discipline problems because when they happen, you can be dropped and another kid can be put in your place.  I hope that happens at least because as outlined in recent posts this idea of not showing up to team practices or warm ups and wandering in as the game begins is not for me.

It doesn't bug me in swimming or tennis, but when you are on a team, you accomplish together and it isn't right for one or two kids to carry the load.

To the original point though, who buys their kid a trophy for finishing fifth?  For me, buying your kid a trophy for finishing fifth tells the kid at age ten you will be there for the rest of their life to kiss every boo boo that happens.  They build zero resiliency and think that they are then entitled to whatever they want.  Hey, I showed up...don't I get a trophy?

It reminds me of the old Chris Rock skit.

"I don't beat my kids.  What do you want a cookie?  I've never been arrested.  You aren't supposed to get arrested."

Really.  Have our standards fallen so low we now train our kids that showing up and having your glove is an accomplishment.  Do we really cheapen accomplishment that much?  I worry for the parents who want their kid to have a participation trophy.  The signal you are sending is you will be supporting them for the rest of their life so when you thirty year old is on your couch or in your basement in two decades, don't complain about it, bake a plate of cookies, because you set those expectations up...not them.

Entitlement

 

I'm just not sure I can agree with the Duke freshman who was recently outed as porn star Belle Knox when she says she isn't being exploited.  I just don't think I can go that far, but what I can say, is once you remove the moral issues associated with objectifying your body, she is at least trying to better herself to pay for law school.


I can not say the same thing for Rachel Canning, who decided it would be a good idea to sue her parents for college tuition after she decided she would take off with her current boyfriend, two days shy of her eighteenth birthday.  This is the height of self-absorption.

I am amazed.

Perhaps it is the juxtaposition of the two issues so close together, but in one case, you have a spoiled brat, who attends an upper end private school and has mom and dad getting her ready for college, but she feels entitled to ask for even more.  Canning, according to court documents, apparently feels comfortable being busted for underage drinking and being suspended from school.  She feels comfortable enough to move out from mom and dad's house, but then wants them to pick up the tab for college.  Ha!

Meanwhile, we have the student better known as Belle Knox.  I am not sure why one of her classmates decided to out her career choice and again, I don't condone it, but instead of saying pay for me, take care of me, she is actively working to pay for her own college bills and lifestyle.  Again, it is not a lifestyle I would encourage anyone to subscribe to, but unlike others (Sandra Fluke, are you listening?) she didn't ask me to pay for her behavior?  Her actions have their own consequences, but at least she is not running around thinking she is entitled like Miss Canning.

Being A Helicopter Dad

So my latest article for the Dallas Morning News Voices section was published this past Tuesday.  This one has been a long time coming as I think it was submitted in early November, but due to space and time issues, did not make it into print until this week.

Nonetheless, I guess somewhere in here I should say thank you to my darlin wife who supports my ability to do these and so many other things.  I hope the article is not taken as a missed opportunity to say thank you to her or my four children, but more a regret that I do not always have the opportunities to do those things I would like to, dropping in and out to fix a problem before moving on.  I also regret not focusing on their needs better than I do sometimes.  While this wasn't written for the holidays, perhaps it is a good time to remember what really is your area of focus and concentrate on that.

I ignore the rain and honking cars as I catch the all too common “see you soon” from my oldest, who goes back to his book. Anxious drivers behind us will just have to wait a minute while I steal quick kisses from my 4-year-old and 10-month-old daughters and remind my son that he needs to finish his schoolwork before the end of the week. The goodbyes and kisses that send me on my way make the elixir that keeps me going. My family’s strength lets me focus on what I do. My work-life balance is about to get tipped really far toward work.

 

I’m at the airport, about to catch a ride to my second home where I work as a flight paramedic in a remote area, transporting the sick and the injured to a hospital capable of handling their needs. I commute by plane so I can work on a helicopter.

 

My pilot, my nurse and I are the folks who come to treat you when others can’t. It’s not always as glamorous as TV makes it out to be, but it does have its cool factor. We drop in, make quick assessments and field diagnoses, stabilize the situation, and then drop you off so we can get ready for the next challenge.

 

Working so far from home for long stretches of time makes me wonder if I have gone soft on my kids when I am with them. The term helicopter parent describes characteristics that I neither support nor subscribe to. Who wants to be a helicopter dad?

 

Helicopter parents hover over their children and protect them from what they perceive to be a hostile and dangerous world. I know how dangerous the world is, and that if my kids don’t build some resilience and mental toughness now, their world will be more challenging later.

 

When I think of the toughest challenges that I face, I don’t think about the accidents and myriad gunshot victims I have treated; I’ve been a paramedic and those are easy at this point. No, I think about logistics and scheduling and how to make the most impact in the least amount of time as a father.

 

How am I going to get home to see this weekend’s baseball games? Who can I arrange to throw with my son during the off-season to help his pitching arm stay strong with me gone? Meanwhile, his younger brother has the skills to finish work in class, but has the same fits of lazy dreaminess that his dad once had, and he needs some extra attention. It’s hard to be there when you’re treating and calming bleeding patients during a frantic helicopter ride 500 miles away.

 

What about my darling princesses? How do I feed my 10-month-old or change her diaper? How do I even just sneak away from Momma with my older daughter on some shopping trip so we can accidentally drive by the frozen yogurt place that has the right combination of sprinkles and fresh-cut strawberries to make an afternoon without big brothers so perfect?

 

Oh, did I mention dating time for some personal attention for my wife?

 

Maybe it’s just what I am good at — dropping in, isolating a problem and then fixing it, before darting off to another. Maybe my family doesn’t realize how much I am playing paramedic even when I am home. Maybe the balance I seek is not to be measured over the course of a day or week, but rather a lifetime. Maybe I am a helicopter parent after all, but when can I just be Dad?

 

The drivers behind us honk again, but I need these moments with my family. Just a little longer.

Maybe we could all use a little more focus on what is important?

 

 

 

Bad Behavior

 Back to school parties can be bad, especially when high school age kids mix alcohol, drugs, and who knows what else.  The Albany Times Union reported that several teens got the great idea that they would break into an ex-NFL players home and use it as a personal party pad for the weekend.  The problem, other than breaking in and using it for a personal party pad, was that they decided to post pictures and other evidence on Facebook and Twitter because when committing a crime, there is nothing better than self-disclosure.

Personally, I am happy they did it because now we can skip the mea culpas about "not my fault" and I didn’t mean to when they really mean, they didn’t mean to get caught BS.  This type of behavior is exactly what Brian Holloway called it: "a migrating mass of absurd ideas and entitlement."  That's right, this behavior happened, not because it is okay, but because the kids feel entitled and parents are more likely to lash out at the person trying to correct their child's behavior than they are at their kid who they apparently have skipped parenting for the past sixteen to eighteen years.

Instead of parents showing up with their child to help clean up the property, Holloway has reported multiple parents have threatened to press charges against him, sue him, or firebomb he and his family after he reported what their children had already reported via Facebook, Twitter, etc.  Is this a joke?

Your kid breaks into someone else's house.  They are obviously underage, yet still probably engaged in drugs, alcohol, and potentially date rape when you read some tweets about roofies and being unable to wake up young women.  Your kid tweets about all of the above and you are mad that someone says, you shouldn't out my kid?  Really?!?

Hey, better idea...raise your kids to have a clue.  Help them learn a little respect for not only their over inflated egos, but for other people's property.  Instead, you are worried your kid won't make it into college now.  Maybe college and being around more drugs and alcohol isn't quite the right place for your temperamental child whose value system is pretty poor anyway.

While the students' behavior was bad, in general, it is the defensiveness of these moronic parents that is worse.  How can we grow as a society when parents defend the actions of these wannabe parasites who think the world will just show up and deliver to them?  For those parents who think this is okay, you should be glad Mr. Holloway is trying to help get them on the straight and narrow.  Some folks wouldn't go the route of education and helping them like Holloway is with his Help Me Save 300 Initiative.  Some folks would use force - deadly force - to stop this.  Whose side is the law on when it comes to defending yourself and your property.  What happens if it isn't Holloway's home, but that of George Zimmerman?

Since some of these parents are so eager to go to court to save their precious Johnny's reputation, I hope Mr. Holloway follows suit and not only presses criminal charges, but engages in his own civil suit against these parents who think this type of behavior is acceptable.  I would love to be on THAT jury.  It isn't often that the defendant puts the evidence against himself or herself out there for all to see, but in this case, how much easier could the case be?

In the meantime, instead of expressing gratitude and appreciation, your anger is funny.  Now that you are ready to play mamma and papa bear to your little wayward cub, you want everyone to be nice to your little bear cub.  I am guessing you are the same mamma and papa bear who were busy yelling at teachers to let Johnny retake his chem test because he was caught cheating, but you thought that was okay....a youthful mistake because instead of teaching valuing ethics and integrity, you taught how important 401(k) and BMWs were.  I am guessing you were the same parent yelling at coaches and referees when Johnny couldn't catch the ball as if it were their fault, Johnny thought he could just do those moves like they do on the Wii football game.

You clearly went into CYA mode when you decided that it was a good idea to delete that evidence against little Johnny, despite the fact it had already been posted and screenshots had been nabbed.  Much more important to deny, deny, deny than take Mr. Holloway up on his offer to help clean up his place.  Smooth move Ex Lax!  I realize your poor little one shouldn't be exposed to the idea of cleaning up urine soaked carpets, but maybe they shouldn't have been exposed to urine soaked carpets to begin with.

You should be glad Holloway is trying to parent your child since you gave up on the task so long ago, but my real question is, who is going to parent you?